Bad jokes
Because bad jokes are always fun, here are a few that I enjoy.
A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange." And I responded, "no it doesn't."
I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
A guy goes into a bar/restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."
My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it's also terrible.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? "Robin, get in the car."
What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!
I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.
What's green, fuzzy and would hurt if it fell on you out of a tree? A pool table.
What's the difference between a dirt bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
One day, pre-COVID-19, a string was walking down the street. He was really thirsty and decided to get a drink at a nearby bar. So he walks up to the bar tender and says, "I'd like a beer, please." The bartender looks at him like he's crazy and says, "I can't serve you, you're a string. Go on. Get out of here." So the string goes outside and thinks of a way to look more like a person. He knots himself toward the top and frays the string to look like a head with hair. He goes back inside and tries again. The bartender says suspiciously, "Hey, aren't you the string that was just in here a few minutes ago? We don't serve strings!" The string replies, "I'm a frayed knot!"
A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies "Really? You have a drink named Steve?!
A guy told me, "Nothing rhymes with orange." And I responded, "no it doesn't."
I just wrote a book on reverse psychology. Do not read it.
A guy goes into a bar/restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his trunk. In desperation he ties these around his neck, manages to fashion a fairly acceptable looking knot and lets the ends dangle free. He goes back to the restaurant and the bouncer carefully looks him over for a few minutes and then says, "Well, OK, I guess you can come in - just don't start anything."
My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, but it's also terrible.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car? "Robin, get in the car."
What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison!
I was sitting in traffic the other day. Probably why I got run over.
What's green, fuzzy and would hurt if it fell on you out of a tree? A pool table.
What's the difference between a dirt bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.One day, pre-COVID-19, a string was walking down the street. He was really thirsty and decided to get a drink at a nearby bar. So he walks up to the bar tender and says, "I'd like a beer, please." The bartender looks at him like he's crazy and says, "I can't serve you, you're a string. Go on. Get out of here." So the string goes outside and thinks of a way to look more like a person. He knots himself toward the top and frays the string to look like a head with hair. He goes back inside and tries again. The bartender says suspiciously, "Hey, aren't you the string that was just in here a few minutes ago? We don't serve strings!" The string replies, "I'm a frayed knot!"
A grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Hey! We have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper replies "Really? You have a drink named Steve?!
A mathematician wanders home at 3AM and proceeds to get an earful from his wife.
ReplyDelete"You're late!" she yells.
"You said you'd be home by 11:45!"
"Actually," the mathematician replies coolly, "I said I'd be home by a quarter of twelve."
good one!
Delete